How to deal with it

How to deal with someone who compulsively or pathologically lies. 

• Assume that everything they say is a lie, unless you are absolutely sure it is true.
• Accept that this person is not trustworthy or reliable.
• Do not react in the way they want you to. Some pathological or compulsive liars want people to react with awe, surprise, sympathy, etc. If you don't do this, they will get bored and move on.
• Identify their patterns of lying. When do they lie the most often? What do they lie about? A lot of compulsive liars will lie more often when they are stressed, or their lies will become more outrageous. 
• Don't call them a liar, or be angry with them. Do not lose your calm.
• A pathological liar is often very cold, and has problems with relationships. If they are causing you too much stress, you might want to think about whether it is worth keeping your relationship with them.
• Don't try and prove that what they said was a lie. Compulsive and pathological liars can get defensive and sometimes aggressive when confronted.

 

 

• If they say something that is untrue, and you know they will not become upset or aggressive, talk to them about it privately "I'm not angry at you, but I don't think that what you said about ... was true." If you confront them privately they are more likely to admit to it.
• Understand that pathological liars are not bad people, they simply do not see how their behaviour will affect others.
• Suggest that they talk to a therapist. Compulsive and pathological lying can be treated.
• Do not take it personally. This person will behave this way with everyone.

How to deal with your own compulsive or pathological lying.

• See a therapist about it. While there is no absolute guarantee of success, therapy has been known to work.
• Talk to your close friends. Tell them about your lying and explain that you simply cannot stop. Obviously, it is difficult to admit to. Your reputation and friendships are at stake, but it is so much better than them finding out by uncovering a major tangled web of lies, or from someone else, and will not damage trust as much. Besides, they probably already suspect.
• Even if you're in the middle of a sentence, or you've already told half the story, it's never too late to say "never mind..." or "haha just kidding! I never met Darren Criss!" and inconspicuously change the subject.

(Seriously though, who wouldn't want to meet Darren Criss?)

• Know that lies are not as interesting as the truth. If you lie constantly, then any interesting truths you tell will always be under suspicion.
• Have a visual reminder. A bracelet, ring, or drawing on your hand might help you remember. I have a ring and a necklace, and am considering drawing a STOP sign on my hand, to remind me to stop lying. Cheesy, I know, but it might just work.
• Identify when you lie most often. Often compulsive liars are driven by stress, the need to be accepted by someone, or a feeling of low-self esteem. You might find you are lying more after someone insults your appearance, around a particular person who you want to impress, or when a major exam is coming up. Sometimes treating the original problem will help the lying go away.
• Understand that lying hurts people.
• Tell one person, and ask them to watch out for when they think you are lying and give you a sign (a frown, a nudge, a raised eyebrow), to get you on the right track again.
• Accept that, like any addiction, it will take time and effort to stop. You most likely will be unable to stop cold-turkey, but keep trying and you can beat it.